Getting attached to a strategy limits our staying in touch with the need.

Example: A friend who lives near my brother in-law of wants her husband to agree to move house. Meanwhile I want her to agree to lend something to my brother in law which she is presently not willing to lend. What she and I both have is a need for flexibility; we want it from specific other people in specific ways and as a result we get stuck. The more we make demands that that the other agree to our chosen strategies, the more stuck others get too, and no-one gets to have their wish for flexibility, openness and choice heard.

The tragedy begins when others tell you what you are

– when what would help would be a less-polluted message of what they would like.
Expressing preferences rather than judgments is my prefered way of communicating. I’ll try to hear what your request (at the needs level) is next time you ask for me to be assessed by a psychiatrist.

Is psychotherapy a sympton of poverty within modern friendship?

Two quotes (from you know who):
1) Nowadays people don’t have friends; they have psychotherapists, lawyers, and hairdressers.
2) Spiritual friendship is indeed the whole of the spiritual life, as well as being the panacea for ordinary psychological problems.

Asking myself what I can give?

“Don’t be impatient, especially with other people. Realize that sometimes they have their problems too. Though they may want to be friends, in practice they may find it difficult. Try not to think in terms of what other people should be giving you, but rather in terms of what you can give them.”

Galvanising Phrases

A great step forward this morning from heavy stuckness was for me to produce a mind-map of galvanising phrases. Some phrases weighed heavily (great ballast), and I also needed to connect with the lightness of touch which can steer playfully into the eight worldly winds again: gain/loss; praise/blame; fame/infamy; pleasure/pain.

Trying to get beyond vague anxiety/ dread

“Most people either repress fear or allow it to difuse itself throughout the whole of their experience in the form of a vague feeling of anxiety or dread. But fear is inseperable from one’s consciousness of oneself as a separate individual. As one advances in the spiritual life and especially as one practises meditation, one is sure to have to face it.”(Sangharakshita)

Pushing for Honesty; ‘attention seeking’ & losing the connection

I struggle hard to get the level of honesty I want , and that I truly believe is part and parcel of my spiritual journey. And for me, that honesty is one of my main substitutes for other forms of intimacy. Call me an Attention seeker if you want. I do hope others benefit from experiencing me as difficult, and I assess that we have all grown through rubbing-up against my ‘attention seeking’ and its consequences. Many thanks again for sharing this much of the journey.